Who I Thought I Was.


Blog 1

This is my first ever “Blog” post, and it is the beginning of my Travel blog. I have wanted to start this years ago, but I had every excuse you can imagine. I am to busy, I don’t have anything interesting to write, I am not a very good writer, yadda yadda yadda. BS!! None of that matters! If you have a goal the first step is always the hardest, and relearning your rituals will be a challenge from day one.

I was your average blue collar working man. I never completed college, I attended several community colleges over the years, even tried an online university for a while. It was just never for me, I was making money at the job of the moment and even tried my hand at a couple business ventures. They didn’t do that well, so I became a “newspaper boy” in my early 20’s working as an independent contractor for the Arizona Republic. It was a good living and I got married at 24, my wife had 2 kids from a previous marriage, a son, and a daughter, and we had a son in ’93 and a daughter in 97.

So there I was 4 kids and a wife in my late 20’s and trying to live the “American” dream. Trust me my life did not suck. I worked hard and my family had what they needed, with some luxuries. We were a middle-class family struggling to make ends meet and in debt up to my ass trying to keep up with those around me.

I can go into details about the difficulties of raising kids, working to make the mortgage, relationship issues and all of that. I did not have an unusual situation, in fact, I probably had an easier time than most in my position. As I look back over that part of my life, it seems like I was asleep, dreaming, or in a fog. My mind was focused on all of the wrong things, I was a robot just surviving day to day with no real experiences. I missed many of my kids’ important events, I wasn’t a very good father. I worked excessively and used that as an excuse to not really be part of my families life growing up. I can’t say when it happened but I just became numb and carried on day to day, month to month, year after year.

In Oct of 2010, my brother was hospitalized and had a tumor removed from his abdomen. Turns out he was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. He did what the doctors told him and unfortunately died in August of 2011 at the age of 45. In the almost year of his battle, we were able to spend a lot of time together. We just hung out and did what we could to enjoy each others company as much as possible, there were not any really deep conversations, no great epiphanies. Just a lot of time and reconnection for us both. After he passed I was involved in cleaning up his affairs a bit and just trying to do what he had told me he wanted to be done. I could only do it for a short time. I had woken up, the fog was lifting, the dream wasn’t a dream. My life was passing by me and I wasn’t even an active participant.

So that is who I was, who I have become is where my story will focus. Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate your time and look forward to hearing comments from you. Shared experiences are the best!!